Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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