I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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