What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
