If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
