he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize