i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
