It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
