Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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