True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
