his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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