Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
