i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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