What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
