I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
