I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize