you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
