if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
