eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
