his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
