I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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