why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
