i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
