I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
