I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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