I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
