We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i will never coherently bang her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
