I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
