Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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