but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
