I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
