dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize