Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
