I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize