i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
