yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
