Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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