I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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