Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
