I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
