We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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