We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
