the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize