just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
