Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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