____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
