My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
