Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
