It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
