Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He better not be in your backpack
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
