I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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