do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
