You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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