I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
