No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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