NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
zippers are such a cool invention
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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