Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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