Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
