The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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