I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The power of my boobs compel you
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
