His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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