If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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