This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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