So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
