Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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