he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
