Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
