put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
