remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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