I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
