he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
