The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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