Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
