I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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