ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
