How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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