I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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